Archive for the 'Exciting Writing' Category
Exciting Writing- Decide Which is Better- Part Three
Contributed by Chuck Lustig, of ExcitingWriting Communications
This month I continue with an approach I’ve dubbed, “Which is better?” Look at the pairs of similar sentences below (Sentence A and Sentence B) and decide which is better. Then compare your choices with mine by looking at the answer key below. Last month’s ExcitingWriting Advisory brought notable comments from Tom Schneider of American Heart about last month’s #1 and #7. I am repeating them as #1 and #2 in this month’s lineup. Tom’s comments are in the answer key. Below the answer key, you’ll find a discussion of “sectarian” and “nonsectarian,” words very much in the news today. Next month, I’ll revert to the normal format, giving the “Which is better?” format a well deserved rest.
Decide Which is Better III
Read each sentence pair and decide which you think is better. Then look below in the Answer Key for my opinion:
1.
Sentence A: I learned a lot from John about delivering mail.
Sentence B: I learned a lot about delivering mail from John.
Exciting Writing- Decide Which is Better- Part Two
Contributed by Chuck Lustig, of ExcitingWriting Communications
Last month I inaugurated a new way to improve your writing skills: Decide which of two similar sentences is better. Then look below at the answer key and compare your choices with mine. This month we continue with the sequel, Decide Which is Better II.
Decide Which is Better II
Read Sentence A and Sentence B. Then, decide which you think is better. Then look below for my opinion:
Sentence A: I learned a lot from John about delivering mail.
Sentence B: I learned a lot about delivering mail from John.
You can learn from people. You can learn about stuff. When they’re both in the same sentence, which comes first? Sentence A is better because it gives credit to the person first. What the person learned was secondary. When I say them aloud, Sentence A sounds better, don’t you agree? Not withstanding, the sentence, “I learned a lot about delivering mail today,” is fine on its own. Then you could follow it up with a second sentence, “John is a great teacher.” Everyone will assume John must have been the one who taught you what you learned. Writing short punchy sentences is often a superior solution to trying to stuff disparate information into one sentence. Read more
ExcitingWriting- Decide Which is Better, Sentence A or Sentence B?
Contributed by Chuck Lustig, of ExcitingWriting Communications
Writing is all about choices: idea choices, word choices, sentence structure choices, punctuation choices, choices about the feelings you wish to convey, etc. You can improve your writing by making better choices. This month’s ExcitingWriting Advisory asks you to choose which of two similar sentences is better. After you decide, read my analysis below and tell me if you don’t agree. Better yet, tell me if you do.
Decide Which is Better, Sentence A or Sentence B?
1.
Sentence A: As the new executive vice president, I was put to the test.
Sentence B: I was put to the test as the new executive vice president.
Answer: I can imagine a context where either would be superior BUT, in general, you should never bury the “payload” of a sentence. As with a rocket’s payload, the payload of a sentence is the reason why you’re writing it in the first place. Clearly, the payload of the sentence is, “I was put to the test.” Sentence A buries the payload by putting it at the end. Sentence B is superior because it puts the payload at the beginning.
2.
Sentence A. Currently, the company’s IP and experience are superior enough to differentiate it in Dallas and across the country.
Sentence B. Currently, the company’s IP and experience are so superior, they differentiate the company in Dallas and across the country.
Answer: Avoid “so” sentence structures. They are so-so! Sentence A is simpler and better.
3.
Sentence A. When the number of bids for a product exceeds a threshold that is predetermined, a flag goes up.
Sentence B. When the number of bids for a product exceeds a predetermined threshold, a flag goes up.
Answer: Whenever you can turn phrases like “a threshold that’s predetermined” into phrases like, “a predetermined threshold,” your writing will be more professional. Sentence B is the better choice.
